Dinner Parties and Darwin

As everyone knows, sublimated libido is the engine of social life. It is for this reason that the traditional salon worked so well: the male guests channeled their frustrated desire for the hostess into sparkling conversation with each other. Thus when throwing a party, you should always invite people who are sexually unsatisfied—in other words, single people. Single people create what I call “Single Person Energy,” the magic ingredient in any successful soiree.

The phenomenon of “SPE” has a simple Darwinian explanation. People who are trying to get laid become funnier and more interesting. Thus singles sparkle in a way that most couples do not. (Sadly, many people lose their luster once they find a mate.)

But here is the magic of SPE: it doesn’t matter if the pursuit of sex is real or hypothetical. Even if they aren’t attracted to each other, your single guests will make each other more animated. The couples present are not trying to seduce your single guests (although in San Francisco, anything is possible). Nonetheless the presence of the singles will make the couples more convivial. Single people seem to induce a sexual competitiveness, a kind of biological reflex, making everyone burn a little brighter, drink a little more, stay a little later.

As bay leaves are to gumbo, so are single people to parties: you throw them in and let them simmer away, adding their savor. Just as you take out the bay leaves and put them on the side of your plate, so at the end of the party, you put the singletons in taxis. Of course, occasionally two of your singletons may hook up. While happy for them, this is sad for you. Then they may become another boring couple, and worse, yet, they may move to the suburbs.